i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
