He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
