I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
