You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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