maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
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There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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