I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my being single is dangerous.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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