EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
