She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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