dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
