Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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