So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
