Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
