so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
