Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
we should paint friendship bongs
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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