Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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