I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
