I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
