I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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