Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
