alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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