I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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