My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
