I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Let's paint friendship bongs
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
