Can i not drive my cunt home
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
