so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
