i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
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I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
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went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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