What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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