Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
