i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize