and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
