I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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