is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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