im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
