hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
