she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
