Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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