Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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