I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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