things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
