i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
