i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
