I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
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I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
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Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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