Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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