What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
