she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
