You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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