she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I need a burrito and a hug.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
