Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
