I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
