my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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