I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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