So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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