Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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