like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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