We're facebook friends in real life
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
