His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
