His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I need moral support for this bender
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
