i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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