Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
