she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
