this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Randomize
