does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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