..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
