I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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