But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
