I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
