Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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