walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
