Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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