do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
