Define "chronic" masturbator.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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