My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
