I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
