I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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