I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
